you go girl.

In my heart, I am a lot of things. I am a ballerina. I'm a baby whisperer and a professional nail painter. I am an inspiring artist and a really really cool friend. I am a motivational writer. I'm a comedian and an interpretive dancer. 

So basically, I am a dreamer. 

I'll probably never take a ballet class, and my creation of art is minimal these days. But one dream that I cannot seem to kick is that of becoming a nurse. 

I once held my frail little Papa's hand as his spirit left this earth. I watched him hug each of his nurses that had helped him do what he could not do on his own. He told them how much he loved them. And more than ever, I wanted to be a nurse.

 As a sixteen year old, I watched a stranger have her baby. Wide-eyed, knees locked, sweaty palms and in SHOCK. I wandered out of that hospital room like a zombie and cried over the messy miracle I had just witnessed. Through the tears, I told myself that's what I was going to be. 

My freshman year of college I lost my cool after having blood drawn for a lab. Picture this: my entire body starts sweating like no other. I can't hear anything. at. all. I can't even stand. My young and fairly attractive teacher had to lay me down ON top of the desks, get me an ice pack for my throbbing head, buy me a candy bar and shove my backpack under me as a pillow. hahahaha. Yikes. I never wanted to show my pathetic face there again, but I still wanted to be a nurse. 

I took tests on labeled, dead bodies with my nose plugged and somehow walked out of there saying, I totally want to be a nurse! 

I haven't taken Biology in six whole years and my professor likes to say, "I won't even cover this, everyone already knows it." I don't know it and for some odd reason I still think I have what it takes to be a nurse. 

Over the summer, I became a night shift CNA and had the adventure of a life time. I was kissed square on the lips, had my bum grabbed and was asked how much money I require for the night. (apparently scrubs scream 'hooker'.)  I endured some of the nastiest situations and watched sweet friends pass away. 

Aaaaand...(I point to the crowd and they cheer, "YOU STILL WANT TO BE A NURSE!") 

Stress just...seriously stresses me out. You know?! I've never been one to dedicate my entire life to studying. I'd honestly rather be drinking hot chocolate with the cute boy I live with. My classmates cry over their 80 percents and I'm just chillin' with my 52. 

Don't get me wrong, it's so important to give it your all. WHICH I DO. But a bad test score doesn't change who I am as a person. It really doesn't even reflect my knowledge because I go to take the test and everything in my brain just sort of...floats out. I say I'm quitting about a thousand times a day. I'd rather be painting all the day long. 

But dreams are worth fighting for. Even the far far, sooooo out of reach ones. 

As I was preparing to serve a mission my sweet Bishop told me this..."Who you are will be far more important than what you know." WOW. Can I get an amen? I've applied that to everything in my life since. Who do I want to be? Quite simply, I want to be like my Savior. My perfect example, my forever friend. 

When I think about who I want to be and who I am now, I get discouraged. I yearn to improve in every aspect of my life. Unfortunately, it's not an over night thing. I wish I could find something really great to do for someone else every day. I reeeeally wish that I could walk into a hospital today, slap a name tag on and be a nurse. Don't even get me started on how much I want a chubby little baby. 

I am constantly reminding myself of this..."In between goals is a thing called life that has to be lived and enjoyed."

I love where I am. I never imagined myself here and now I can't imagine myself anywhere else. Okay, that's a lie. 

I can totally imagine myself in Europe. 

To sum up all of this nonsense...soak up and enjoy everything in your life now. but don't forget to day dream about really big things. and please don't stop until you get to them. 

^^^